Sunday, May 4, 2008

Sick At My Stomach

Yesterday, Doug and I went to Mr. Charles' funeral while Sandy watched Katie for me. It was so sad, but I don't know one funeral that isn't sad. I know that funerals are a way for family and friends to say goodbye, but I told Doug that I would want everyone to throw a party for me. I would like everyone to have cotton candy, music (lively music), popcorn and snow cones. I don't want people to be sad. I want people to rejoice and proud of me that I finally made it.

I drove Sandy back to Dad's after a late lunch. Dad and Sherry were back from visiting Mom during the morning hours. Sherry told us that Mom didn't have a good day. The nurses found blood in her stool this morning and she's still not eating very much. June and I were going down for 5:00 visitation and Sandy tried to prepare me about her body being so swollen. They say it's swollen because of the sodium they are having to give her. She has to have the sodium in body because she doesn't have enough to absorb the nutrients they are giving her. She has to have the nutrients because she's not eating. Her poor body is so weak and she's got to be miserable. It's so sad. I hate seeing her suffer so much, it just tugs at my heart and makes me sick (literally) at my stomach. Everyone in the family (Dad and sisters) have come to realize that Mom's not coming home with Dad and every moment with her is precious. Every one of us at some point are sick with sorrow. I think we are more sorrowful because she has suffered for the past five months. I have to remind myself that God has a plan. This plan is why she has suffered so and we have to sit back and wait. That's the hardest part, I believe, to swollow.

At the hospital, we have a source that I can't mention. She has been so helpful and just as caring and concerned about Mom's condition. She told us that she feels Mom is giving up the fight. She said the blood she saw wasn't bright, but not real dark. She gave me this look like it wasn't good. She said they are giving her Lasik because the Sodium Chloride is causing her body to swell real bad. They had hoped that her kidneys would flush the fluid and the body would absorb the sodium. Well, there could be a problem with her kidneys and that's why they have to bring in Lasik to get the fluid off of her, but it also flushes some sodium out. June and I looked at Mom's nutrient chart and she's not eating much at all now. Her supper came in while we were there. I fed her maybe four, half fork fulls of mashed up squash and that's all she wanted. She told me it was so good, but she wouldn't eat any potato or hamburger with gravy. We tried to encourage her to drink the Glucerna, but she got mad at us and told us no. When we first got there, she sat up and talked to us for a little bit. I told her about Katie streaking in the yard in front of Evelyn's company and I saw a smile. Inside, my heart was filled because I got my Mom to smile one more time. I would love to fill the rest of her days with joy and laughter. We left her resting and I hated with everything in me leaving her, but we had to go.

When we got back to June's house, Kevin and Maryann were on the back porch with Sandy, Sherry and KimAnn. We filled them in on Mom's condition and spirit. We also told them about the kidneys and blood. Kevin didn't think it was a good time to tell Dad that information because he has been so upset all day today. When Dad came out after taking a shower, we told him about her talking to us and smiling. It made him smile to hear she was talking and smiling. For the past few days, Dad has broke down in front of all of us. We are afraid he won't be able to take much more and end up having a heart attack. With all of us girls' nerves being shot, it's beginning to affect us physically, I can't imagine what Dad might be going through. My aunt Sherry gave me some B-12. She said it was good for my nerves. Sandy said she might have to start taking some as well. Susan hasn't felt good for the past few days. She went to the doctor and her doctor asked her if she has been under any stress. Sue told her the story and the doctor said lots of stress like that will begin to show in us physically. I just ask that you please pray for God's comfort with my Dad and other family members.

Friday, Sherry, Katie and I went shopping. I needed to go back to Party City and pick up a few more things for Doug's party. Sherry wanted to go to the mall and look for a new metallic purse. I tried to get her to buy this one gold metallic purse, but she wouldn't pay $65 for it. Instead, she found a silver metallic for $20 at JC Penny. I took her to Atlanta Bread Company for soup and sandwich. On the way home, I drove her around the new shopping center "Bridge Street" and she really liked it. We were all too tired to stop and walk around. She said she would like to shop there maybe the next time. It did us both some good to get out, laugh and have some fun.

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